Sunday, January 1, 2017
Diary - New Year's Eve
Some context, for those of you who haven't read my blog for long.
I'm asexual. Or I was before my transformation, anyway. I never felt much sexual attraction to anyone, male or female, and I never bothered with dating. That's an odd concept to some of you, I'm sure, but I'm certainly not the only asexual in the world. The same way straight people aren't attracted to their own sex, and gay and lesbian people aren't attracted to the opposite sex, asexual people aren't attracted to anyone of any sex... it's as simple as that, really.
I wrote about my asexuality a few months ago; you can read about it here, if you're interested. And here you can read my thoughts on how being asexual has shaped the sort of captions I write.
I think my asexuality was largely rooted in my issues with my old body. Now that I have the proper body, I've started to feel the faintest stirrings of sexual desire, toward both women and men. These are very new, very confusing feelings for me, and it's taking me time to sort them out. But I've figured out that... I do want to try dating. And I do want to try sex.
But it's a scary thing, because it's something I've never done, something I've never even thought much about. Beginning to date in your mid-30s... that's strange, right? So it's intimidating. And I'm not great at doing things that intimidate me.
It's not something I can really talk to my friends about, because, as far as they're concerned, I'm a straight woman with a healthy sex drive and a long romantic history. I was never asexual in this reality. They'll think I'm going on my first date in a few months, not my first ever.
So, since I can't confide in them, I'll confide in you instead.