Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Diary - How I Remember Myself

Thanks to those of you who answered my survey.  The results are in, and they have... complicated things.

Mia Berson says I've always been blonde, and that, even in my old captions, which to my eyes show a brunette woman, I look like a blonde woman who looks like Kristen Bell.  Celebswap also chimed in, and it looks like he also remembers me as a blonde woman.  An anonymous commenter yesterday also said I've always been blonde.  Lee, on the other hand, remembers me as a brunette woman.

So there's some dissent; Lee remembers me the way I remember myself.  But most of you apparently remember me the way the rest of the world remembers me now, as a blonde woman.  And most of you seem to see me as a blonde woman even in my old captions.

So... I guess here's where I have to ask you all to hear me out.  I remember myself as a brunette woman  who... okay.  I'll admit it.  I looked a little like that actress Mariella Beth Winston or whatever her name is.  (But just a little.)  I've put a picture of the woman I used to be, clipped from an old caption, in this post.  It's more to remind myself what I used to look like than to convince any of  you, because I know now that most of you probably see a blonde woman when you look at this picture.

And here's where the begging starts.  You all know that I used to be biologically male, but that reality changed such that I was born female.  You've all been willing to believe me that far, as crazy as it sounds.  And you all know that Celebswap used his Randomizer a few weeks ago, and I became a clone of Jennifer Aniston.  You believed me when I told you that.  So you know that transformation, gender changing, reality changing, they're all real.

So now I need you to believe me when I say that reality has been altered again.  That's why you remember me as a blonde woman.  But I didn't used to look this way, just like a year ago I wasn't biologically female at all.  Your memories have been changed to reflect this new reality, the same way the memories of everyone I've ever met were altered a year ago to reflect the fact that I had become a woman.

I hope I've earned your trust enough that you'll believe me.

For those of you who remember me as a brunette woman, and especially if you see a brunette woman even when you look at pictures of me now (the same way people who think I've always been a blonde woman apparently see that blonde woman when they look at my old captions)... reality has changed, and now I've apparently always looked like Kristen Bell.  I have no idea why.  But it's becoming more and more clear that I need to find out.

I'll be writing more about what it's like to be in this body over the coming days.  For those of you who think I've always  looked this way, please bear with me.  This body is new to me, even if it's not new to you.  I need to process this.

Part 9 of Man the Barricades will have to wait; this is more important.  I'll put it up tomorrow.  I promise.

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